Seflies.

In the course of this process, I'm processing.

The concept of arriving at the precipice of this grand moment in one state, then departing it in another is difficult to trudge through because it's so drastic. One second you're a party of two, and the next you've acquired a third wheel.

The past 7 years have been focused on being a partner and provider. And along the way I've been eating and functioning and running in ways that serve my specific interests. But a wife in labor is not a wife requesting marinara with her dinner--it's not a period of provision I'm used to operating in. As a result, I can't help but struggle along the slippery slope above what should only be considered the childless version of myself.

If I was impatient in the past, I should try to avoid it now. If I would resort to any task because of some perceived compusion--walking, stretching, running, cooking, eating--I should try to avoid it now. That should probably include screen time, yet here I am hacking away at my thoughts, watching my wife watch me inquisitively between contractions.

I don't expect any sudden changes in who I am and the ways I operate. That's a bit of foolish hope atop rock-hard, established truths. I'm certain that those negotiations will carry on forever, really, once the baby decides to make his way(s) through the world.

Until then, I'm trying to avoid selfishness. I'm pushing thoughts of running and eating and sleeping and driving and working into the back corners of my brain so that I can engage with the moment. I'm distracting myself with screen-time breaks, needless tinkering in MyFitnessPal and searches on Yelp! I won't ever see play out.

And with that, I should get back to the moment.