Aside from the fact that my contemporaries seem to be
admitting they’re partaking in the title line of this entry, the constituents
of the Zook/Petty household—Zoe included—are not. However, this spring of
spawning that surrounds us has forced me to consider what it might be like
consume myself with the needs of another.
This week, though, I ultimately came to grips with reality.
I am my own father—or I am my own child. Somewhere in this
twisted time and space, I see that I’m busy both caring for and raising myself.
I’m adhering to a schedule of pre-5 a.m. running, pre-6 a.m. feeding, and
pre-10 p.m. sleeping. I leave work as soon as the proverbial whistle blows,
rushing off to meet the demands of my charge. I cart myself off to practice with
teammates twice a week, I show up early on race day and stay late for the
doling out of awards or the serving of dinners. I volunteer when I can, tend to
the wounds that come from such rigorous activity, and deal with the doctor’s
appointments that inevitably come up.
And clearly, I love it. The demands strain, but I find it so
rewarding. I get to create joy for myself, and share in what I make. It’s tough
with a schedule chock full of work and students and meetings, but we find a way
to make it work.
I’m sure one day my I will outgrow my own dependence on
myself. I’m sure my role will change accordingly. Sacrifices await our plight; they’re
undoubtedly on the horizon as our needs and responsibilities will unfold and
evolve. I’m sure the family and I will cross that bridge when it stretches out
before us.
Until then, I suppose it’s more play dates on a busy
calendar. And so long as everyone’s happy, we have no problem remaining
selfishly satisfied.
1 comment:
I don't know if we are ever ready to wake up on someone else's time, or do things on someone else's schedule. The biggest challenge is when the pre-children self merges with the having children self and all of a sudden there are many more play dates, doctors visits, and most of all, double the desires. There is no right or wrong, no perfect time. As long as you are happy and working hard you keep raising yourself! HUGS!
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